I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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