Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
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My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
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I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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