I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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