I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
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although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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