there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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