capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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