I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
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I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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