i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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