his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize