fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Panties = found
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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