You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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