i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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