You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize