Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
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I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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