go do what you do best...puke behind churches
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize