when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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