Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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