it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
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you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
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That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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