flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize