p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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