why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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