she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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