i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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