What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
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I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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