That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
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You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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