one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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