I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize