I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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