last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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