He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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