I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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