Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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