Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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