Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize