I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
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He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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