Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
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When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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