so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nutella sex= disaster
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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