y did u give ur computer a hand job?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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