We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize