"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
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How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
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I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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