Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize