i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
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IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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