If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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