Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
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Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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