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help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
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