TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize