every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think your dad took our porno
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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