I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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