I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
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I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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