The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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