My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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